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So I surf the twisted channels of our time’s tormented soul,
With my potent finger poised above my hot remote control.
Like some later-day Jehovah reaching out to make a man,
But what is this mess I’m making? Don’t ask me – I got no plan.
I got a itch –– itch, makes me twitch, twitch, twitch,
I no sooner see a picture than I know I gotta switch:

CNN keeps scrolling faster as the NASDAQ bucks and turns
Moyers thinks, but it’s more fun to watch O’Reilly’s rants and burns.
That old Hist’ry Channel keeps on playing Adolf’s finest day.
Who needs them? I’ve got Neal Boortz t’ help me goosestep on my way.
I got a itch –– itch, makes me twitch, twitch, twitch,
I no sooner see a picture than I know I gotta switch:

I’ve got fifteen windows open on my desktop while I sip
On my double grande latte for my caffeine-powered trip.
I’m a multi-tasking monster, scrolling through my MP3s.
Lay more cable for my DSL. Who needs those dumb old trees?
I got a itch –– itch, makes me twitch, twitch, twitch,
I no sooner see a picture than I know I gotta switch:

And the rappers all drive Porsches, but who cares? They turn a rhyme.
Public Enemy sez Leave us be; MuthaStewart done the crime.
And where’d you go, Joe DiMaggio? Mark McGwire of your day?
Feed me steak and feed me steroids, even I could hit away.
I got a itch –– itch, makes me twitch, twitch, twitch,
I no sooner see a picture than I know I gotta switch:

Howard Stern and Sister Wendy fondle art and make it trendy
While the Frenchman orders Braque and Freedom Fries.
Britney Spears and Donald Trump conjoin for a cosmic hump,
And their lovechild is a Dollar Bill that flies.
            I got a itch –– itch, makes me twitch, twitch, twitch,
            I no sooner see a picture than I know I gotta switch:

And Schwarzenegger/Schwarzkopf now will rule the golden West.
Say goodbye to City Lights where Alan Watts showed Zen was best.
And the dog__ trots___freelyinthestreet
And the Dylans both are dead; their poetry ain’t got no beat.
           And the dogs of war are loosed. Watch out! that one’s a nasty bitch!
             Don’t ask me Who Let the Dogs Out? Woof! Woof! I got a twitch!